


dancing with your ghost

by thelivingflop



Series: haikyuu song inspired oneshots [9]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I cried while writing this, I'm Sorry, M/M, Pain, dancing with your ghost, ghost - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:28:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27727480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelivingflop/pseuds/thelivingflop
Summary: inspired by dancing with your ghost by sasha sloan
Relationships: Miya Atsumu & Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: haikyuu song inspired oneshots [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2018299
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	dancing with your ghost

**Author's Note:**

> tw: death, implied suicide, mentions of anxiety and depression

It was empty. Everyone had left a while ago, leaving him alone surrounded by damp grass, drooping flowers and grey stones. They had all tried to take him away but they failed. He needed to be with him for just a little while longer. Just a little bit longer, that's all he wanted.

He had been standing in the same spot for hours now. His hunched shoulders hiding away his muscular frame and his dyed blonde hair falling in front of his red rimmed eyes, covering the tear stains upon his cheeks. 

He felt empty. He had never felt more empty in mind, body or soul. How was he supposed to feel anything when _he_ was gone? For hours he would have no emotion, the pain crushing him, leaving him incapable of everything. It left him broken, inside and out. The tears wouldn't roll down, and the screams wouldn't escape past his quivering lips. Then all at once he'd be on the floor, shaking with a grief that bled from his bones. 

For hours he just stood, but the emptiness in his heart, the numbness pounding his brain, the salty tears that flowed unchecked from his eyes, the shear nothingness that now took hold of his soul threatened to engulf him entirely. His legs buckled, knees sinking into the earth.

He brought his hands to his face as he let out a pained scream. He screamed at the world, wondering why it let go of him. Why it let go of Sakusa. He could hold the heartbreak no longer as he looked up at the sky and his grief came pouring out in a flood of uncontrollable tears.

"Why'd you go away?" He yelled, broken.

He bent over and clutched the earth in his hands, trying to gain control as sobs punched through his gut.

"I'm still here." He sobbed. "I'm still your boy."

He curled over himself, holding his arms across his chest, as if there was someone he was holding. He was holding on too tightly, he knew that but all he wanted to do was put his head up in the clouds and find him. He hoped Sakusa was somewhere nice, he deserved it. After everything he had been through, the least he deserved was to be somewhere nice after he was gone.

How was he supposed to love again? All he needed was Sakusa but he was gone now. He didn't get the chance to say a last goodbye. It was all his fault too. It was his fault he couldn't say a last goodbye, it was his fault Sakusa was gone, it was his fault so many people were in pain. If he just hadn't gone out to that party, then Sakusa would still be here. If he hadn't gone out to that party, there wouldn't be blood stains on the towels in their bathroom. If he hadn't gone out to that party, them maybe instead of a simple goodbye alongside a quick kiss and an 'I love you' thrown in, Atsumu would've been able to hold Sakusa one last time and tell him how much he loves him and how much he means to him.

It had been two weeks since Sakusa had died and Atsumu was trying to let go, to not hold on so tightly but it hurt to even try. What was he supposed to do without Sakusa? What was he without Sakusa?

He couldn't go home. Not tonight. He knew if he went home he'd only see Sakusa. Every time he turned his head he saw a fleeting image of Sakusa. Whether it was of him sitting on the sofa, standing making dinner or sprawled out on their bed. Sakusa was always there, he was just harder to see than most.

Ever since Sakusa had died, Atsumu had spent his nights awake, telling himself that he was alright. It was easier to lie to himself than face the truth. 

Atsumu noticed that the sun was beginning to set. This time of day always used to be his favourite. But that was when Sakusa was still here. Now this time of day made Atsumu want to run away from himself. He wanted to escape the memories just for a little while. 

They had their first dance at their wedding at this time. Atsumu had always found it cliché when people said that their wedding day was the happiest day of their life but when he got married to Sakusa, he understood why people said it. Because it was true. It was a different kind of warmth running through his veins when the two exchanged vows and they kissed for the first time as husbands. It was a warmth and joy Atsumu hadn't experienced since that day.

Atsumu smiled sadly at the memory and began softly humming their wedding song. The melody was sweet and familiar yet it seemed a little melancholy now. Atsumu closed his eyes and let himself remember Sakusa's face when the two danced to that song. The first time they danced to it together was a particularly fond memory for Atsumu. It was their one year anniversary and the two were walking through the park when they began to hear some music play. Atsumu remembers Sakusa's soft voice murmuring 'I love this song' before asking Atsumu to dance with him. Sakusa was mysophobic so the fact that he was willing to let Atsumu be this close and intimate with him meant the world to Atsumu. The small smile on Sakusa's face will forever be ingrained in Atsumu's mind.

It became a somewhat tradition from then on. Every anniversary they would dance to that song so it only seemed right for it to be their wedding song. Atsumu felt a lump rise in his throat when he realised that he won't ever get to dance with Sakusa again. He could only replay the memory.

Atsumu pulled out his phone and scrolled through his music library until he landed on their song. He placed his phone on top of Sakusa's headstone and pressed play, allowing the music to gently make its way into the sad atmosphere. He got into position and held his arms out, as if he was holding Sakusa. He was about to start his movements but a voice stopped him before he could

"You're going to do it without me?"

Atsumu knew that voice. The soft, gentle tone, the slight accent. Atsumu turned his head.

"Omi?" He whispered, not trusting himself to talk at a normal level.

Except it wasn't Sakusa. Well, it was but it was a brighter version. A glow seemed to surround him and his skin was slightly paler than what it usually was but everything else was the same. They was his curly hair fell delicately across his face, the two moles on his forehead, the slight crinkle at the edge of his eyes as he smiled softly at Atsumu.

"What? I don't- how is this possible? What are you doing here?" Atsumu asked, he voice shaky as Sakusa approached him.

"I wanted to dance with you one last time." Sakusa said, gently.

Sakusa reached out and took one of Atsumu's hands. A sense of belonging washed over Atsumu as he felt the warmth of Sakusa's hand in his. It was right. This was home. Not his house that he and Sakusa lived in, not his childhood home, not being with his family or his twin. This. Being with Sakusa. This was home.

"You still remember our dance?" Atsumu asked.

"How could I forget?" Sakusa replied.

Atsumu reached over for his phone and started the song over. The song sounded like what it used to. The sound wasn't melancholy, the lyrics weren't sad. It was perfect. The two got into position, holding each other tightly because they both knew that this was the last chance they were going to get to hold their love.

Atsumu felt a tear roll down his cheek as the two danced. Everything about Sakusa was exactly as he remembered. Each curve of his muscles, the way he held his shoulders ever so slightly forward, the way he held Atsumu, the way he moved his feet as they danced. The way Sakusa made him feel whole.

Atsumu knew that the hardest thing he'd ever have to do would be to let go.

The sweet song slowly came to an end and so did the dance but the two didn't move from their position. Atsumu buried his face into Sakusa's neck, small sobs escaping his lips while Sakusa had his face buried in Atsumu's hair and was whispering 'I'm sorry' over and over again.

"Why did you go?" Atsumu asked, his voice breaking slightly.

"I just wasn't made for this world."

Atsumu knew the struggles Sakusa had. He hadn't had a great childhood, being bullied for his mysophobia which caused Sakusa to suffer with anxiety and depression. The world was never a nice place for Sakusa, and Atsumu knew this. The things Atsumu would do to make this world a nice place for Sakusa were endless. He'd do anything.

"Is it nice up there?" Atsumu asked. "You deserve to be somewhere nice."

"Yeah." Sakusa smiled softly. "It's nice. I can see you too, so don't think you're alone. I'll always be watching over you 'Tsumu."

"I love you." Atsumu whispered.

"I love you too." Sakusa pressed a kiss to the top of Atsumu's head. "Hey 'Tsumu."

Atsumu detached himself from Sakusa slightly and looked at him. His eyes still held the same warmth. Sakusa was beautiful.

"You'll be alright, I promise" Sakusa said.

Atsumu knew Sakusa was telling the truth. Sakusa never lied to Atsumu. Atsumu nodded and felt more tears fall down his cheeks. Sakusa cupped Atsumu's cheek and wiped away his tears. Atsumu leant into Sakusa's touch, his safety, his comfort, his home.

Atsumu leant up and kissed Sakusa. It was slow, soft and comforting in ways words never could be. Atsumu didn't want to break away but he knew he had to. Reluctantly, he pulled away and rested his forehead against Sakusa's. Sakusa's eyes were shiny as he gently nodded his head, the simple movement speaking all the words that needed to be said.

"I'll see you again, okay." Sakusa said, smiling gently.

Atsumu returned the smile and nodded. "Bye, Omi."

Atsumu watched as Sakusa walked away, slowly getting further and further away until he disappeared. Atsumu felt a pain run through his chest and brought his hand up to his heart but Atsumu knew it would be okay because one day, he would get to see Sakusa again.


End file.
